J.D. Salinger gave me my first ever suicidal thoughts.

He was also the one who made me take them all back.

I hate that you're dead, though I'm pretty sure at 91, you really didn't give a shit. Just like you always did.

Thank you.

you know who you are,

it was painful, very painful, the past weeks since you left. since you left me. but now, i'm letting you go completely. you are not who i want and need. if someone decides to drop me like a hot potato, just like that, i won't have any of it. the deal's off. i know we agreed to reunite when i move to new york, but what for? for me to fall back in the arms of someone who has the tendency to take me for granted? i'm sorry, but i don't have time for that. you've been a real douchebag to me and i just don't need such negative energy in my life. i would love to still be friends with you, but i am not open to rekindling anything beyond friendship. i'd be pals with a douchebag, hell, that could be fun. but i will never, ever give my heart to one.

thanks for the ride. it's been a whirlwind. i'll be in new york soon, you know where to reach me if you want to grab a beer or something.

veronica

everyone should watch up in the air. thank you (once again) jason reitman. 10 million thumbs up.

and my beagle fucking ruined my ray ban prescription glasses!!! stupid bitch.

My life could definitely use a bit... no, a lot of cheering up and my trip to the Big Apple in October would really mean so much to me. I need to escape this town and try to find myself in a different way in a different city, even if it's just for four days. I look forward to seeing Tegan and Sara, which is definitely a fantasy coming true for me. I look forward to seeing my relatives in Long Island and hanging out with my cousin, Ryan. I look forward to spending time with Stephen, and trusting him as my personal tour guide to the city's best spots, both the popular ones and the hole-in-the-wall jewels. I look forward to forgetting about the loneliness and stress I sometimes find myself dwelling on while here in New Mexico, what with school and still trying to get over the recent breakup and missing Stephen who's the only true friend I have from town. But most of all I look forward to letting the city capture me, that city I've always dreamed to see and perhaps someday call home. The city of my dreams.

See you soon, New York.

 This year is definitely fucked up. I can't believe Adam Goldstein's dead. I've always wanted to catch him in one of his shows. This really crushes me. I really liked the guy. What a huge loss.

So today I learned that hysterectomy actually came from the word 'hysterical.' In ancient times, it was believed that a 'hysterical' woman can be cured if a doctor takes out her uterus.

Awesome. By the way, tell your moms or aunts or anyone who might consider getting a hysterectomy this:

You do need your ovaries!!!

Check it out: http://bit.ly/tJWYF

I'm tired of trying to squeeze my brain dry to come up with a supposedly meaningful blog post. After all, my LJ is supposed to be a place where I can relax and not care. So, let's begin.

I've just discovered a really neat hobby, and I could eventually get paid for it too. Isn't that redonk? You get to do something really fun and get paid for it? It's called social media. Duh. Very cliche, right? Everything is social media! But hear me out first. I'm collaborating with social media professionals, particularly from the world of Gen-Y and Health 2.0. I'm cooking up something that is related to both Gen-Y and Health 2.0. Not saying what it is yet, since all these ideas are still up in the air, but hopefully it takes off soon. All I can say is that I'm glad I have a bunch of awesome doctors and social media experts backing me up on this. Sweet.

So it's my birthday today. Big deal. My friends are all over the place, so I didn't exactly have the grandest celebration. Ok, I didn't really "celebrate" at all. Besides, I never really liked birthdays (my birthday in particular, that is) compared to, say, Halloween or even Valentine's Day. I just had pizza delivered and got a bunch of Sam Adams. What a delightful beer Sammy is. It tastes a lot like Red Horse. But still, nothing beats Guinness, my one true love. Seriously, I have never encountered a dark draft that makes me border on orgasm at first sip, I shit you not!

The pizza and beer mini birthday celebration is exactly what the perfect date is to me. Beer and pizza. Lots of talk and jokes. A bunch of DVDs on hold, to be invaded after dinner. Chill lang. That's what I like. Mom says tama nga na nasa America ako. I guess so.

Just finished downloading a bunch of Motion City Soundtrack songs. Makes me miss high school. Or maybe not.

In the middle of The Way of the Wizard by Deepak Chopra. I make sure that I read each lesson while in a conducive environment and state of mind. I've really been taking this new age shit seriously lately. This is so not me. This is so beyond my comfort zone. But I am willing to give it a try, because I feel like it's gonna help expand my horizons, whatever the fuck that means.

Alright, time to clean up the pizza crubs and beer bottles. Happy birthday to me.

For this post, I am tagging the following. I'd love to hear your answers!
lady_camoo
faithlessphil
girlnextshore
pinggoy
carnivalous
twixgirl08
yumipitz

Ever wonder if your favorite thinkers would even consider answering silly blog questionnaires? I found this interesting piece from one of my friends' notes on Facebook, and I thought it was such a fun way to answer yet another blog-type questionnaire because you get to compare your answers (or not) with Marcel Proust no less. These are from the two questionnaires he filled out at the ages of 13 and 20. Quoting my friend Eduardo, "Yes, it's elementary school / junior high all over again, except now, it's validated by the participation of a renowned French intellectual!" That, and, I personally think the questions are pretty brilliant.

Let's begin.

13 ans

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Proust: To be separated from Mama.
Your answer: Being stuck in an intellectual and emotional rut. Being in a place or disposition that prevents myself from reaching my full potential, or from satisfying my curiosities.

Where would you like to live?
Proust: To live in contact with those I love, with the beauties of nature, with a quantity of books and music, and to have, within easy distance, a French theater.
Your answer: At this point in my life, I honestly don't want to be in just one place for a very long time. I want to move around, experience different places and meet different people. But right now, I would like to see what it's like living (temporarily) in New York.

To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
Proust: To a life deprived of the works of genius.
Your answer: Fear.

Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Proust: Those of romance and poetry, those who are the expression of an ideal rather than an imitation of the real.
Your answer: Atticus Finch, Howard Roark, and Holden Caulfield (because to me, antiheroism can be quite heroic in a weird way sometimes, and Holden's that exception!)

Who are your favorite characters in history?
Proust: A mixture of Socrates, Pericles, Mahomet, Pliny the Younger and Augustin Thierry.
Your answer: Thoreau, Austen, and Rand.

Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
Proust: A woman of genius leading an ordinary life.
Your answer: My mother and grandmother.

Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Proust: Those who are more than women without ceasing to be womanly; everything that is tender, poetic, pure and in every way beautiful
Your answer: Elizabeth Bennet, Jo March, Dominique Francon, and "Moi." :)

Your favorite painter?
Proust: Meissonier.
Your answer: I'm not gonna lie. I'm not a big follower of this line of art, so I really can't choose without sounding pretentious.

Your favorite musician?
Proust: Mozart.
Your answer: It's almost impossible to choose one, but if I must, it's got to be Freddie Mercury.

The quality you most admire in a man?
Proust: Intelligence, moral sense.
Your answer: Talent, responsibility, independence.

The quality you most admire in a woman?
Proust: Gentleness, naturalness, intelligence
Your answer: Effortless elegance, quiet confidence, patience.

Your favorite virtue?
Proust: All virtues that are not limited to a sect: the universal virtues
Your answer: Courage / Fortitude.

Your favorite occupation?
Proust: Reading, dreaming, and writing verse
Your answer: Exactly as how Proust said it, except that I write more prose than verse.

Who would you have liked to be?
Proust: Since the question does not arise, I prefer not to answer it. All the same, I should very much have liked to be Pliny the Younger.
Your answer: Elizabeth Bennet.

20 ans

Your most marked characteristic?
Proust: A craving to be loved, or, to be more precise, to be caressed and spoiled rather than to be admired
Your answer: Right at the top of my head... my long legs. Ha!

What do you most value in your friends?
Proust: Tenderness - provided they possess a physical charm which makes their tenderness worth having
Your answer: Kindness, laughter, simplicity.

What is your principal defect?
Proust: Lack of understanding; weakness of will
Your answer: Tendency to recoil in defeatism. :(

What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
Proust: Never to have known my mother or my grandmother
Your answer: Memory loss.

What would you like to be?
Proust: Myself - as those whom I admire would like me to be
Your answer: A woman of grace, resilience, moral sense, compassion and never ending gratitude.

What is your favorite color?
Proust: Beauty lies not in colors but in their harmony
Your answer: Er, pink?

What is your favorite flower?
Proust: Hers - but apart from that, all
Your answer: (Side comment: "Hers?" Oh, Proust, you naughty, naughty boy, you... wait a minute, weren't you gay?) I like roses.

What is your favorite bird?
Proust: The swallow
Your answer: The hummingbird.

Who are your favorite prose writers?
Proust: At the moment, Anatole France and Pierre Loti
Your answer: Conrado De Quiros, Jessica Zafra, and Jason Mraz.

Who are your favorite poets?
Proust: Baudelaire and Alfred de Vigny
Your answer: Sylvia Plath and Lord Byron.

Who are your heroes in real life?
Proust: Monsieur Darlu, Monsieur Boutroux (professors)
Your answer: Christopher Johnson McCandless.

Who are your favorite heroines of history?
Proust: Cleopatra
Your answer: Jane Austen

What are your favorite names?
Proust: I only have one at a time.
Your answer: Men's names - Joseph, Silas, Ephraim; Women's names: Scout, Vendetta (I know, weird, but I just think it's mysteriously beautiful), Clarke.

What historical figures do you most despise?
Proust: I am not sufficiently educated to say.
Your answer: I do not despise any historical figure at all, because without the participation of even the nastiest folks in history, there never would've been a grand story to tell... and the world would be such a boring, unchallenging place to be. There would be no causes to fight for.

What event in military history do you most admire?
Proust: My own enlistment as a volunteer!
Your answer: None.

What natural gift would you most like to possess?
Proust: Will power and irresistible charm
Your answer: Agility, endurance and artistic intelligence.

How would you like to die?
Proust: A better man than I am, and much beloved
Your answer: A loving great-great-great grandmother. In other words, after many, many, many years.

What is your present state of mind?
Proust: Annoyance at having to think about myself in order to answer these questions
Your answer: Impatience. When are we getting to that much awaited final question?

Final question: (yes!) What is your motto?
Proust: I prefer not to say, for fear it might bring me bad luck.
Your answer: (Looks up at Proust's answer) Hmm. Ok, I shall resign myself to superstition for now.